Screenplays
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Something that all actors find themselves with at one time or another is too much time on their hands. Some actors hit the beach and work on their tans. Others spend endless hours at the gym toning their bodies. Still others spend their days and nights getting completely wasted on whatever mind-altering substance that they can afford on their disposable income. I myself tend to write screenplays that no one with the money to produce them wants to read. It's fun. Here they are: Alligators: Orgy of Destruction An unofficial sequel to 1980's Alligator starring Robert Forster, Alligators is the biggest B-movie ever conceived, centering on a massive attack on St. Louis by hundreds of blood-hungry, mutated gators. Both hilarious and horrifying, it ups the bar on action/adventure pictures and redefines the horror-comedy. Death Detention Remember The Shining? Remember The Breakfast Club? Ever wish someone would write a movie combining the two? Well, sometimes, wishes do come true. That's right! A modern day version of the Breakfast Club is stuck in Saturday detention, and the dean of students is possessed by the evil school building! He goes on a killing spree, killing each archetypal character one by one...who will survive? The beauty? The geek? The jock? They only have one hope...you guessed it...the school janitor. A bloody good time! Happy Drunk Guy You know how stories about alcoholics always involve some guy who ruins everyone's lives with his drunkenness, but finally he sobers up and turns everything around? This ain't that story. This drunk guy is beloved for being such a lush, but when he is forced to quit drinking when he contracts mono, he suddenly becomes incredibly successful and alienates everyone he knows. Should he stay sober and rich? Or should he get drunk again and regain the love of his peers? It's very funny, and it's unlike anything you've ever read before. Raging Balls Remember when screwball comedies were funny? Me neither. But, at long last, that has changed. A team of five aging, delusional teenagers stuck in thirty-year-old bodies form their own street basketball team and start to play inner city hustlers. Because they're old and out-of-shape, they never get past the first match (where the hustlers let you win to trick you into betting money and getting your butt kicked in the second match.) Believing they are an undefeated phenomenon, they convince a television producer to give them a reality show. They become the biggest sensation in America. And also the biggest lie. The jokes come non-stop, leaving you barely enough room to breathe. You know, like a basketball player in a heated match. Or something. Revelations Movie history's biggest horror odyssey. A washed up dreamer with nothing left finds himself facing a biblical apocalypse. He lives in Los Angeles, where a blizzard shut downs the city-and snow isn't the biggest problem, there is something in the snow. And it's big. He gets a call from his mother, lonely and desperate back home in Massachusetts, and he decides to set out on a road trip in order to get back east to help her. The trick is, there are natural and supernatural disasters waiting around every corner. Earthquakes, tidal waves, underground monsters, zombies, dragons...and still other phenomena never before been imagined. It's unrelenting terror. You've got to keep telling yourself, "It's only a movie, it's only a movie, it's only a movie." The Season of Murph This is a modern day take on Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, the difference here being the fact that the Scrooge character (Murph) is not rich, he's a humble pool man, and he actually wants the three Christmas ghosts to visit him in order to get back his Christmas spirit. But it dawns on him that these damn ghosts don't visit you unless you're rich. Ghosts just don't care about you if you're broke. Or do they? Strange things start happening, and suddenly Murph is finding that old happy holiday feeling again... Small Town Blues A throw-back to eighties action movie excess, a big town cop retreats to his hometown island for some rest and relaxation after a traumatic event. His estranged old buddy, a cop on the island, is less than welcoming. But then...a gang of extremists attacks the island! The two buddies are forced to rekindle their friendship as their hometown blows up around them. Car chases, explosions, fires, gun fights, fist fights, you name it. Long live eighties action! Vodka and Sand A group of college friends, now in their thirties, decide to get back together and re-live their spring break. But it turns out that they are really too old to enjoy such shenanigans as drinking cheap booze to the point of puking and trying to pick up young co-eds poolside. Stuck in a rat-trap "all-inclusive" resort on Nassau in the Bahamas, what is supposed to be fun and relaxing becomes a test of wills. Will they survive the Bahamian New Year's parade, Junkanoo? Will they remember what it was like to be young? Will their relationships completely deteriorate until no one is talking to anyone else? Well, yeah, most likely. Troupe In the tradition of Evil Dead, a group of struggling comedians gets together after their Web Series show for a few drinks and a few laughs at a fan's new house. Soon they find themselves trapped in the house and terrorized by a blood-thirsty specter. They struggle to figure out why they are being haunted in an attempt to end the carnage. But the more they uncover about the evil spirit's past, the more they realize that this thing doesn't want to be freed from a tortured existence stuck between life and afterlife...he likes being here, and he loves to kill! The Untitled Tom Hanks Project A struggling actor gets a dream role as a bad guy in a western starring Tom Hanks. Someone puts real bullets in the gun that's supposed to have blanks, and the poor actor unwittingly shoots Hanks in the back, killing him. Suddenly he is the most wanted man in America...you can't kill the world's most beloved movie star and get away with it! He desperately tries to clear his name while eluding the authorities, not to mention every single movie fan across the country that would like to see him burned at the stake for the shooting that wasn't his fault. It's a thriller with a solid sense of humor. Ghost Cop He's a cop. He's a ghost. 'Nuff said. |